I’m excited that you’re reading this

Blame corporate buzzspeak for this if you like, but the term ‘excited’ merits its own policy in my life.  ‘excited’ and ‘leverage:’ when I reach either, I stop reading. 

If one doesn’t stop, one usually proceeds to some of the driest, most insufferably boring content conceivable.  “I’m excited to announce that…” followed by dull and irrelevant mountains of verbiage next to which drying paint is a thrilling action-adventure movie.

We most commonly receive such missives from our higher management. Some workshop on inspiring the unwashed! pounded this advice into their little brains: “No matter what the announcement, employ the word ‘excited.'” We now must focus on leveraging every day and every way the beneficial possibilities for reaching out to consolidate on our best strategy… how they go on like this baffles me. Nothing untrue, nothing useful.

Which has given me long hours puzzling “What is it they find so exciting about these tedious details? How could they find ‘excitement’ in such commonplace nonsense?”

Until I saw scientists reacting to discoveries on mars.  “We have found rocks!!” It made them so excited! So worked up! And me too, honestly.  I love good science, and the fact that they can discover meaningful things about geology so far away has a certain thrill to it.

Commonplace things become exciting when they’re on mars. 

Which is when it hit me: It’s because they’re from another planet.

I mean, our upper level of management who send us these mysterious messages. We’re being guided by aliens.

It explains many things.


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